Scent – the mind’s time machine

Please don’t be put off. This is a longer post than usual.

There’s some truly fascinating, touching material here, all contributed by Moodnudges readers.

In my current work, I’m focused on the promising potential of fragrances experienced during sleep to lift emotional well-being, via memory.

Last week I therefore asked for experiences of memories triggered by scents. The response has been gratifying.

In case you don’t have time to read the whole thing (although I believe you’ll be thankful if you do), a couple of overall reflections are that: (a) many of these associations date back to childhood; (b) sometimes the fragrances involved are highly specific; and (c) not everyone’s smell-induced memories are positive ones, in fact some are disturbing.

A huge thank you to each and every person who made this important and really very moving anthology possible.

Let’s begin.

It’s not so surprising that some products designed specifically to smell good, end up triggering evocative memories.

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Margo: The one smell that has the strongest memory-evoking effect on me is Eau de Cologne (nr 4711).

My grandmother’s dressing closet in the bedroom smelled like this. Especially when I opened the drawer with handkerchiefs and a beautiful hand mirror and brush inside. I still have these items 😉 I must have been about 8 or 9 years old. It gives me a good feeling! It reminds me of her love for me as a granddaughter and a feeling of belonging and being accepted (while I write this down I tear up; I loved her so much!)

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Lisa: Coconut oil. I grew up in Southern California in the 60s. We oiled our bodies with “suntan lotion” with SPF of probably zero or 2. Coconut oil brings me back to the beach in the old days.

Also vanilla. I just love, love the smell of vanilla. I don’t even have a sweet tooth. It doesn’t take me anywhere. It just makes me smile.

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Georgeanna: The interesting paradox for me is that my rational mind can’t call up this kind of memory. It is HUGELY evocative when it happens, but it happens by chance, not design, because I can’t tell what smell is necessarily going to take me to a particular place until it happens. For example, a random bar of soap purchased at the local supermarket suddenly rocketed me back to my days living in Japan, where the soap in the shower must have smelled the same way. I couldn’t take my nose away and I couldn’t use the soap to wash… I just keep it in my closet to use as ‘transportation’ back to those memories. But I never would have imagined it could happen until it did. Nor would I know what to use to try to reconstruct memories, or which ones might be powerful. It seems to happen by surprise to me, and more by lucky happenstance than by design.

Alison: The fragrance? Detchema perfume by Revillon, Paris. Launched in 1953. No longer really available other than in highly expensive (£200 plus [$260+]) speciality parfumiers.

What it reminds me of. My late mum – she wore it all the time. I remember being loved and cuddled and cared for, occasionally chastised.

How it makes me feel. It makes me very sad – she died 15 years ago, and I miss her dreadfully. But it does make me think of happy times and a very fortunate childhood.

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Emily: One particularly weird but strong memory I get from a smell is Hollister perfume. When I was around 13/14, every girl I knew was obsessed with those big spray bottles of Hollister perfume, it was such a big social status item, and recently I found the last dregs of a bottle in my old room. It immediately brought back that feeling of long summers spent at the parks in my town with my childhood friends, laughing and making up dance routines and eating those 50p mix bags of sweets from the shop. It’s so lovely to have that experience of being transported back to such a specific time in my life.

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Kate: The fragrance? Patchouli oil.

What it reminds me of. My first girlfriend.

How it makes me feel. Makes my heart beat faster if I smell it now, and memories flood back. Best explained by a rush as if transporting me back to the heady days of long ago.

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Mary: The power of smell is so deep seated!

A really powerful one for me is Imperial Leather soap, which takes me back to my gran’s bathroom and thus being a little girl of about six years old and in a place where I’m safe – if a bit cold. No central heating there!

Likewise the smell of warm grass cuttings takes me to the bottom of our garden and making dens down there near the compost heap. Happy, summer holidays sort of feeling.

(My favourite smell is of behind lurcher ears. Warm, dusty, cuddly dog. Bliss.)

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Angela: The smell that I find most evocative is blossom ‘flavoured’ talc / perfume / hand cream. It took me by surprise when I smelt it last year – I burst into tears, in the middle of a department store! 🙂 It reminds me of my nan who died when I was about 12 as she always used apple blossom talc and there was always a big tub of it on her dressing table.

The moment I re-smelt that fragrance, I was transported back to being small and the sound of her voice, whisked back to her flat (where I spent many happy childhood days), and flooded with many happy memories I thought I’d forgotten. I didn’t remember her favourite blend of talc until I smelt it again – definitely a forgotten smell memory!

Whilst it made me cry, they were happy tears as it was lovely to feel her close to me again, and a delightful reminder of happy days. It was also great to be reminded of the smell that made me think of her.

I did buy some of the hand cream that made me cry, much to the bemusement of the shop assistant!

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Jon: One reflection was very specific about a particular aspect of motherhood.

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Jenny: For me, the strongest memory-evoking smell is the aroma of a newborn baby’s head (the crown). It only lasts a few weeks. Reminds me of giving birth to my three kids and the joy this brings when I can smell it again. It also triggers a surge of dopamine for new mums (…if only I could bottle that smell!??)

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Jon: You might think of smoke as having an unpleasant smell, but that’s definitely not true of all types of smoke.

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Anona: My Great grandfather (Gran) always smoked a particular tobacco. I do not know what it was called, but I remember the smell. He died in 1966 and in the late 1980s I went into an antique shop in Bedford, which had let the first floor to a lady selling lace-making items. I walked in the first time, and was immediately back in my great grandparents’ home. It was the same smell from the antique dealer’s pipe. It made me feel at home and excited!

My father was in the Army and I always felt rootless, as my parents had 21 homes in 20 years. We always went to visit Dad’s grandparents when we were in the UK and this is the smell that I always associate with them. My great grandmother (Nan) would always give us ham sandwiches and angel cake. Now whenever I see angel cake I always smile, think of Nan, and remember her sitting in her chair. She died 6 months short of her 100th birthday.

As you can see, these memories take me back to my family being together and just – smile. (My parents are also dead now, so there is just my brother and I left.)

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Danielle: Your piece instantly made me think of my strongest smell/memory connection – the smell of a wood-burning fire (which I affectionately call “snow smell”.) This is because the smell reminds me of many very enjoyable family holidays in the Australian Snowy Mountains as a child. I grew up (and still live) in Sydney, Australia, and my house had electric heating, so the wood fire smell for me is strongly connected to our skiing trips. It always makes me smile and think of our beautiful alpine region.

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Jean: This was an easy question for me. The answer is peat smoke. I was born in Ireland and although we moved to England when I was four, we spent every summer holiday back at my Nan’s house. She had a peat-fuelled cooking range, so every time I smell peat smoke I’m back in her kitchen, and I remember all the happy times we had on those holidays.

Perhaps that’s why I’m so fond of Islay single malt whisky!

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Jon: Nature’s own smells stir up strong memories for many.

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Anne: My very strong memory is around spring blossom. When I was a child we had both almond and cherry blossom trees in our garden. I used to love both the look of the trees and their lovely perfume. Recently I was out running by the canal and I closed my eyes for a second and took in the beautiful pungent smell of the spring blossom trees which immediately had a soporific effect on me.

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Vanesa: For me hawthorn blossom evokes memories of childhood – long days spent out on my bike with friends playing at the local park.

This scent gives me a feeling of the freedom of being a child, a time when ‘perfect’ days were infinitely possible.

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Jackie: I think my favourite is the smell of lilac, it takes me back to being a teenager as a neighbour had a tree. I had freedom in our garden and watching my Dad gardening was a joy for me as he was my safety parent. Miss those days.

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Tracy: A very distinct smell for me is oil of spike lavender. Evokes memories of my youth. I had an adorable little pony and used this oil on his face on hot long summer days to keep the flies away from his eyes. I was young, happy, and carefree – happy days.

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Lizzie: The fragrance? The honey smell of heather in flower under warm sun. Reminds me of holidaying with my own children on Exmoor and the smell reminding me then of happy summer holidays in my own childhood. How it makes me feel – happy and free.

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James: The fragrance? Mint. Reminds me of my Nan’s garden. A lovely reminder of a very happy childhood.

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Christine: The fragrant and subtle scent of freesias reminds me of happy times with my mother. She always said ‘flowers are for the living,’ when planning her death when terminally ill with cancer, so didn’t want flowers being wasted on her when she was dead. We compromised and just had a single bouquet of freesias on her coffin which was later taken to a hospice and, instead, family and friends gave donations which went to Marie Curie Cancer Care.

I now always have at least one bunch of freesias in my apartment, and when I catch the scent in the air I imagine her smiling.

I have a very keen sense of smell which is powerful for me both positively and negatively.

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Siobhan: As soon as I read your email the one scent that sprang to mind was orange blossom, which not only has several associations for me but is my absolute favourite scent.

I grew up in South Africa and we had family friends who lived on a farm with, among other crops, acres of orange trees. I am transported back to a dark warm evening as a small child standing on the veranda with my mother saying ‘Come and smell the orange blossom.’ The next day we wandered in the sunshine among the trees and my mother explained how flowers and pollination worked.

I’m now a garden designer.

Years later my father bought me a little bottle of orange blossom scent. I don’t know why he did but I treasured it.

So the scent of orange blossom triggers happy childhood memories but also makes me wistful for long ago times and places, and of my late parents.

Although the scent is evocative of these things it is also to me a sort of distillation of beauty and something quite rarefied. Like some music. Don’t know if any of this makes sense. It’s hard to put into words.

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Andrew: The fragrance? The smell of freshly grazed grass on a pony’s or horse’s breath as it befriends one by exchanging breath.

It reminds me of the loyal equine friends I have had, especially from my childhood. Makes me feel content, calm, peaceful, privileged.

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Glenda: The fragrance? New cut grass/lawn. It reminds me of my father. Good memories.

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Jenny: The smell? Real Christmas trees. Reminds me of my childhood Christmases, which were always magical, even though many aspects of my childhood were very unhappy. Makes me feel happy and hopeful.

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Carol: New-mown grass reminds me of spring coming in childhood in suburban London – my father cutting the grass – happy smell & ‘Oh, it’s really here again’ thoughts.

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Jon: One salutary lesson for me is that not all smell/memory associations are positive ones. To respect the contributors, I’ve identified them simply by the initial letter of their first name.

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B: The smell? Plumerias. Reminds me of my childhood, especially during summertime. It does remind me of how beautiful it is, helping friends picking these flowers for the whole month of May, every day, for everyday offering in church. What does that make me feel? Sadness, also with loneliness that I was not included in that process. Seems like the only ones included were the rich, and or with beauty, and not meant for some ugly duckling like me.

Wow, this is not what I expected.

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L: The smell of furniture/floor polish with an undertone of strong tea leaves reminds me of boarding school, where the polished wooden floors of the main corridors were swept with slightly damp tea leaves to gather up the dust more efficiently. It makes me feel lonely and fearful.

Actually, accessing this memory, I realise that this probably explains why I retch and want to cry when I’m using furniture polish…

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G: The smell is brown alcohol – rye whiskey or scotch. My parents smelled like that, especially associated with unpleasant times with them – made me feel a little queasy and a little scared, later angry. I drank rye and ginger once after high school and got awfully sick – never again – sometimes vodka or wine, until I realized that all alcohol triggers headaches for me.

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G: I have a background of abuse and need to stay in the present day. I do use essential oils, strong-smelling ones to stay grounded, but I wouldn’t use smells to evoke memories as I experience currently flashbacks, body memories which can be debilitating.

For me, the particular smell is tobacco, which makes me feel terrified, helpless and powerless.

Sorry if this is hard-hitting. Just wanted to add my experience.

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C: Ginger tea = morning sickness = the mid-90s and a general feeling of instability.

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Jon: A particular type of weather received one mention.

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Judi: The supercharged scent of ozone after a rolling thunderstorm transports me to summer storms of my childhood growing up in Arizona. While thunderstorms are quite the rare occurrence here in San Francisco, those few times we do get them are magical. I’ll spend hours on end, watching the flashes light up the sky, listening to the hard rain dance upon the roof, and drink in the crisp aroma of the freshly washed air. Something I wish I could experience it more often than just once or twice every few years.

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Jon: Cooking and baking smells often have strong memory associations.

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Anne: The smell of hot sausage rolls have the strongest memory-evoking effect on me.

It reminds me of Christmas Eve when I was a kid in the 70s. I would come home from buying presents with my pocket money (Hi Karate or Brut for the men, Yardley or hankies with roses on for the women). When I walked in, all you could smell was hot sausage rolls my Mam would be baking. To me the smell was Christmas/family/safety/love/warmth. Having these memories triggered makes me feel emotional, makes me feel close to my brilliant Mam and Dad who are no longer here. Yes, sausage rolls make me cry! (In a nice way.)

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Jan: I have a very fond memory of childhood visits to my Nan, and associate the smell of a paraffin heater with those visits. Paraffin is not a commonly used source of heating in homes now, but I do occasionally come across it in greenhouses, keeping out the frost. Since my days as a child I have only once come across the combination of smells that takes me back completely to my Nan’s house. I suppose it’s a lost smell now, the smell of the paraffin heater and cooked bacon. That to me is the smell I would wake up to when I was staying at my Nan and Grandad’s house and I associate all the feelings of being a young child, happy in the family home with it. Would this be uniquely British?

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What’s your favourite memory-evoking smell?

Just one whiff of chlorine, and I’m 10-years-old again, shivering in Heston Swimming Baths.

It’s now five-and-a-half years since I moved to San Francisco from the UK.

There are naturally a ton of things that I enjoy about living here.

Unsurprisingly, though, there are also aspects I miss, and one perhaps curious example is how easy it is to swim in a public pool in the UK.

There are relatively few swimming pools open to the public here in California, and the few I know about are only open in the summer months, on limited days, and for limited hours.

Of course, there are beautiful Pacific Ocean beaches a short drive away, but few people here swim in the sea, mainly because it’s so teeth-chatteringly cold.

The surfers manage, but it’s okay for them. They wear wetsuits.

But as I said right at the top, it only takes a single sniff of that particular “eau de swimming pool” chlorine to transport me back in time.

The (very) old Heston Swimming Baths

I’ve been thinking a lot about how evocative certain smells can be, instantly triggering powerful memories.

Sometimes memories we thought we’d forgotten, if that makes sense.

I explained last week that I’m now working on a fascinating project that’s harnessing the strong association between fragrance and memory to boost emotional well-being, while you sleep.

And thanks, by the way, to the many readers who got in touch to encourage me in these endeavours.

This week, I’d love you to take a few minutes to think about the smells you’ve experienced that have a strong link to people, places, or events in your own past.

Then, maybe you’ll be generous enough to share your thoughts with me, and, in turn, our readers?

Please email me, then I’ll compile as many contributions as possible into a brief anthology that I’ll share in your next Moodnudges post.

It may help to answer three simple questions:

  1. What one smell has the strongest memory-evoking effect on you?
  2. What specifically does it remind you of?
  3. And how does it make you feel to have these memories triggered?

I really look forward to hearing from you, and can’t wait to share what others tell me.

Scents and sensibility

On an excitement scale from zero to ten, I’m about an eleven right now.

It’s all because my work in mood-nudging has taken a fascinating turn.

If you have a good memory you may recall that earlier this year I started looking into the use of guided imagery as a way to lift emotional well-being.

In fact, lots of Moodnudgers experimented with some prototype recordings.

Since then, things have excitingly evolved to incorporate aromatherapy, specifically aromatherapy that automatically delivers a fragrance to you as you sleep.

Just before you drop off, this same fragrance surrounds you as you listen to a relaxing guided imagery recording.

It’s a fascinating combination. What seems to happen is that the repeated fragrance during your sleep helps to embed the positive suggestions you hear before you fall asleep.

And it all happens subconsciously. Work by psychologists in Germany showed that a similar schedule of night-time scent delivery boosted participants’ memories, and it was these findings that prompted me to wonder if a similar procedure might magnify the effects of guided imagery.

If you stop to think about it, I’m sure you’ve encountered the extraordinary connection between your memory and your sense of smell.

Maybe you’ve caught a whiff of some aroma or scent that’s instantly transported you back to a time or person in your past?

That’s because your olfactory system is directly connected to your brain.

Over the past couple of months, our small but inspired team has begun building prototype programmed aromatherapy devices (heck, we do live in Silicon Valley) that we’re already experimenting with.

Like I said, it’s early days, but our first results have already been truly encouraging.

If it’s OK with you, I’d love to keep you in the loop as things develop.

This new focus does feel truly promising and inspiring.

Just imagine being able to boost your mood in your sleep.

Long time no see

Not to give the game away or anything, but Happy New Year.

Yes, this is my first Moodnudges post of 2019.

It’s been a long time, right?

I hope your own year has got off to a good start, and thanks to a number of readers who have been kind enough to enquire about me in my absence.

Thankfully I’ve stayed healthy and in a pretty good state of mind.

So why the silence?

Well, back in December I wrote that I was looking into guided imagery as a possible emotional well-being tool, and it’s that which has kept me busy.

Actually, you can sample some of my progress a little down the page.

For the past couple of months, it’s felt best that I should work away at learning more about how to help people create “mind pictures,” allowing myself to make mistakes, then improvements, without exposing the world to my embarrassing attempts.

I can tell you, there have been more than a few of those.

My learning process has partly involved listening to experts’ recordings, then re-writing and re-recording some of them.

It’s turned out to be a great way to acquire knowledge from some highly talented practitioners.

An amusing side note: when I recorded an experimental piece designed to help with sleep, it took herculean efforts to get it edited, as it kept making me want to drop off.

Although I’ve come a long way, there’s still further to go. But I do feel somewhat comfortable about sharing a recent recording.

I’ll be delighted for you to try it out, and as ever will be super-grateful if you can leave me some feedback on the Moodnudges blog.

I can tell you, I learned a ton when many commented on my first attempt last November.

I promise you, I’ve improved since then.

Just to prepare you, the recording is 17 minutes long, and you’ll need to find the time to focus on it somewhere comfortable, hopefully where you won’t be disturbed.

Important: No listening while driving, please.

The theme of this session is about opening your mind to thinking differently.

I really hope you’ll find it of value.

And as I said, all feedback will be very gratefully received.

Here’s the recording.

Eek, five weeks of silence.

In the mid-1960s, then British Prime Minister Harold Wilson declared “a week is a long time in politics.”

With what’s currently happening on both sides of the Atlantic at the moment, that’s never been truer.

In fact you may even want to revise “week” down to “day.”

Don’t fret, however.

We’ve always kept Moodnudges a politics-free zone, and that’s not about to change.

I simply recalled Harold Wilson’s remark when I realised that to my considerable unease I haven’t written a Moodnudge since November 7th, and five weeks is an uncomfortably long time in emotional well-being.

First, therefore, an apology.

I’ve been religiously writing, and you’ve perhaps been religiously reading, my posts for a pretty long time.

Since this is the first time I’ve gone off the radar for such a lengthy period, I definitely should have had the courtesy to let you know that I was okay.

Rest assured, I am quite fine and definitely firing on all cylinders.

In fact, after our fascinating experiment with guided imagery back on November 7th, I’ve been doing a great deal of new work.

Just to remind us both, back then I invited readers to answer a brief questionnaire, then to listen to one of several tailored audio recordings of me delivering a session of guided imagery, designed to lift spirits.

Almost 250 readers tried it out, and dozens provided insightful feedback on the Moodnudges blog, which was overwhelmingly encouraging.

Karen said, “Amazing.”

Sue commented, “Fantastic. More please.”

Ingrid added, “Definitely like to do this on an ongoing basis.”

Marie spurred me on – “Glad you are coming up with new things.”

And Sonia quite frankly left me pretty flabbergasted by saying it had left her “with a feeling of relief (she had) not experienced since 2008.”

Since this seemed an uncommonly decisive vote of confidence (!) I decided to draw breath to properly consider where I should go next.

I saw that when I wrote and recorded the experimental guided imagery over a month ago, I’d done so as a somewhat naive beginner.

Before carrying on, therefore, I wanted to learn as much as possible about this fascinating area.

A psychologist friend here in California pointed me in an intriguing direction, leading me to spend some amazing hours among the miles of shelving in the Stanford University library exploring possible connections between guided imagery and hypnosis.

It’s really, really, interesting.

You’ll be relieved to hear that I certainly don’t plan to become the next Paul McKenna, but I do think there’s much to learn from the power of suggestion which lies close to the heart of hypnosis.

I’m still not 100% clear what will happen next, but it seems to me that I should work on creating some new guided imagery sessions with the benefit of being more enlightened via my ongoing informal Stanford education.

These recordings will probably see the light of day early in 2019, but I’ll definitely keep in contact between now and then.

Who knows where the political world will be by then, though?

More positively, my very best to you at this rather odd time.

Let’s all keep going.

Can we talk?

There’ll be 144 packets of ten minutes in the next 24 hours.

Would you consider spending one of them with me?

Let me explain.

During the last year, I’ve poured a ton of time into learning as much as possible about the process of guided imagery.

This is where you’re encouraged as a listener to create pictures and experiences in your mind in response to words and music, aimed at bringing about some kind of positive outcome.

The process is also sometimes known as guided visualisation.

The claims for its effects are impressive.

It’s used to promote relaxation, lower blood pressure, and reduce stress.

Among other things, it also seems to help if people want to lose weight or stop smoking, for example.

Guided imagery can also be used as a way to manage pain and boost healing.

It therefore seemed to me that it might also have potential as a promoter of mental well-being, and that’s why I’m inviting you to join me for just one of your 144 ten-minute blocks today.

I think I’ve created something unique.

Clicking on the link below will take you to a short ten-item questionnaire. Check in with it, then you’ll be directly connected to a guided imagery session tailored to your answers.

It means I can give you pretty individualised support.

Now I know this kind of thing won’t necessarily suit everyone, but why don’t you at least give it a try?

You’ve nothing to lose except ten minutes of your day.

And you do have another 143 of those at your disposal.

One small request, though.

Guided imagery definitely works best when you relax as you listen to it, so you’ll need to be somewhere comfortable, where you can close your eyes, and not be disturbed.

You and our other Moodnudges readers have been completely brilliant at engaging with my many emotional well-being experiments over the past few years.

I do have a strong feeling that this one might just be particularly significant, though.

Let me know what you think of it, please.

Let’s get you started.

That spiky feeling in your shoe

I’ve been missing from Moodnudges for a couple of weeks, but all is well. I’ve just been a bit preoccupied with other things.

Sorry for the absence, although I promise I won’t be upset if you welcomed the break from one more thing to read.

To get us back on track, I’ve recorded a swift two-minute update I hope you’ll enjoy.

It was inspired by me taking out the trash the other night with socks, but no shoes, on.

What an image, eh?

Anyway, let me tell you more:

How to stop negative emotions defining who you are

In the ten or so years I’ve been writing posts for Moodscope, and then Moodnudges, I’ve almost never handed my blog keys to another driver.

A week ago, though, Cate – a loyal and long-term reader – emailed me a piece that her twenty-year-old son Jacob had written on the subject of emotions and behaviours.

I thought it was really special, so much so, that I asked Jacob for his permission to share it with you, and you’ll find it below.

Jacob Harvey grew up in Nottingham, and now lives in London, working in financial services.

He tells me that he spends a lot of time trying to understand how we human beings operate, and what makes us who we are.

I loved this, his very first post, and particularly enjoyed seeing things through the eyes of someone who has spent the greater part of his life living in the 21st century.

I’ll add a link to Jacob’s blog below, but here’s what he wrote:

I am vs I feel

I’ve been identifying too much with my emotions.

Quite a deep introduction, but hear me out…

I feel like I let my emotions define me. I can wake up in the morning and, for whatever reason, not feel good about things.

I might wake up and say to myself, ‘Today I am frustrated/upset/angry/anxious.’

Then I identify with those emotions and ultimately become them. Throughout the day, that’s me.

What a waste, right?!

I want to share a small trick I stumbled across that has really helped me feel better, reduced the power of my negative emotions, and stopped me overthinking and identifying with them.

I’ve called it ‘I am vs I feel,’ and it’s the art of disassociating.

It starts with a reframe.

I’m a strong believer that you are who you are. There’s nothing you can do to change that.

Yes, you can grow, and develop, and mature, but no matter what situation you are in, or what emotions you’re feeling, you’re still the same person.

You are you.

But, instead of identifying with emotions and letting them define you by telling yourself, ‘Today I am frustrated,’ say instead, ‘Right now I feel frustration.’

Accept the emotion is there, but don’t let it become you.

I am Jacob Harvey. That’s me. And sometimes I feel frustration. That’s fine!

But this doesn’t mean I am a frustrated person.

The power of You never goes away, but you can very easily let the You be blurred by emotion.

So try it now.

If you’re jealous about something, don’t say ‘I am jealous,’ say ‘I’m feeling jealousy.’

Don’t say ‘I am angry,’ say ‘I’m feeling anger.’

Don’t say ‘I am sad,’ say ‘I’m feeling sadness.’

Think of a negative emotion you’re feeling now, or have felt recently, then apply this concept and see how it makes you feel.

When I applied this to my own feelings, it almost immediately reduced the power of them. It made them feel temporary.

Now that they weren’t consuming my every thought, I could get some perspective, and think more rationally about them, and get along with my day-to-day life.

So keep the emotions in the box they deserve to be in. Don’t let them consume you, and don’t let them become you.

As I said above, you are who you are, emotions don’t change that.

We’ll never be able to prevent negative thoughts and feelings, but what we can do is try our best to work with them.

In the words of author Mark Manson, ‘Accept them. Defuse from them. And then act despite them.’

The great thing about changing from ‘I am frustrated’ to ‘I feel frustrated’ is that it helps us observe the emotion in a healthier way.

You’re still going to feel negative emotions and think negative thoughts, but this doesn’t need to change who you are.

Using the ‘I am vs I feel’ concept makes our emotions seem short-term, and disassociates us from them. It enables us to feel happier, not allowing those annoying emotion things ruin a whole day/week/lifetime.

I’m not saying it’s a one-time cure, but it’s a good start to get some perspective on how you’re feeling, and a great step to dealing with emotions in a happier and healthier way.

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Isn’t that good? A big thank you to Jacob Harvey for sharing this. Here’s a link to his new blog:

Lastly, in a break from tradition, if you have reflections on Jacob’s thoughts, please post them on his blog, rather than here on the Moodnudges site, maybe letting Jacob know that Moodnudges sent you:

I am vs I feel

Six themes for a very important letter to a very important person

There have certainly been times in my life when I’ve felt stuck. Trapped, even.

Now and then it has felt that no matter what I did, I couldn’t change things, which was both frustrating and demoralising.

However, it invariably helps to remind myself that even when I believe I can’t change situations, I do always have a real choice about how I think about them.

The American author and radio host Earl Nightingale summed up this concept nicely: “Control your thoughts. Decide about that which you will think and concentrate upon. You are you are in charge of your life to the degree to which you take charge of your thoughts.”

Having a sense of control and autonomy over your own life is one of six fundamental factors driving your psychological well-being, represented by Independence, the first “I” in our SPIRIT model.

So allow me, if you will, to propose a brief exercise that may help when you’re next feeling a lack of this.

Set aside 15 minutes, and not a second more, to write yourself a letter about a situation you’re unhappy about.

The twist is that you’ll get to choose one of six ways to “frame” this note. And you have complete freedom to select which you use.

When you write, do so in the second person, talking to yourself as *you*, imagining you’re writing a letter to a very dear friend.

For example, “I totally understand the way *you’re* feeling…”

Remember, it’s your choice which angle you’ll take. Here they are, then:

1. FORGIVENESS e.g. “You feel guilty about this thing, but I want you to know that I completely forgive you.”

2. CURIOSITY e.g. “I’m genuinely interested in better understanding why you’re thinking this way.”

3. COMPASSION e.g. “I just want you to know how very sorry I am that you’re feeling the way you do.”

4. SOLIDARITY e.g. “I totally stand with you on this. The way you acted/thought was and is entirely justified.”

5. ACCEPTANCE e.g. “Let’s agree to accept what’s happened (or is happening) and aim to move on.”

6. AMUSEMENT e.g. “Just for a minute, why don’t we look at the funny side of what’s happened, even if it is bittersweet?”

When you write, aim to do so in a continuous flow, paying no attention to grammar or spelling. Simply pour your heart into a 15 minute letter to yourself, but with unceasing reference to the theme you chose.

Although a quarter of an hour really isn’t a long time, you should find this to be a powerful mood nudger.

Once you’ve experimented with deliberately choosing the theme of your letter, a twist on the technique (for another occasion, perhaps) is to throw a dice to randomly select one of the six. This, too, can work.

Through it all, however, the real value is in remembering that you truly do have a choice about how you think.

In the words of Pink Floyd, we don’t need no thought control.

And nobody can take this away from us, thank goodness.

Could your life have a Michelangelo-grade sense of purpose?

Early on this very morning (September 13th) 517 years ago, Michelangelo began chipping away at a block of marble, more than 17 feet tall.

Just under three years later, it had been turned into the work of art most regard as Michelangelo’s masterpiece: his statue of David immediately before his battle with Goliath.

To have turned over six tons of marble into one of the world’s most iconic sculptures in only 33 months, Michelangelo was clearly a man with a mission, living a life of true purpose.

However, rather than Michelangelo finding this sense of purpose himself in 1501, it’s more the case that the purpose found him.

You see, for the whole of the artist’s 26-year life, that marble block had been more or less abandoned in the yard of the cathedral workshop in Florence.

In fact, the sculptor Agostino had actually started rudimentary work, later abandoned, on the stone eleven years before Michelangelo was even born.

I wonder. Do you feel your own life has a sense of purpose?

Of course, it doesn’t need to be one with the monumental scale of Michelangelo’s.

But having something to live for—that gives your life meaning—is an incredibly potent force.

In fact, a recent report in the New Scientist suggests that a sense of purpose “helps prevent heart attack and stroke, staves off dementia, enables people to sleep better, have better sex, and live longer.”

Seriously, what’s not to like about that?

Of course, there are likely to be times in your life, as there have been in mine, when life’s purposefulness may seem wanting.

However, while there might not be a six ton block of marble waiting with your name on it, I firmly believe that looking around you can reveal opportunities for you to make a difference – to carve out your own meaning.

Keep your eyes, ears, and mind open for worthwhile causes or projects.

Perhaps they will involve connection to another person, or to a group.

They might even entail caring for a garden, riverbank bank, or urban environment.

The thing is, you don’t need to start big.

Putting a toe in the water can make a lot of sense.

So, on Michelangelo’s timescale, what could you start today that might bear fruit in, say, 33 months?

That would be June 2021, not that far away actually.

Why not celebrate Michelangelo today, then, and look around you for your own version of his marble block?