Tackle self-blame by recognising what you accuse yourself of, then gathering evidence which proves this is a fallacy.
* * * * * * *
There will be bad days and when they come, it’s not your ability to hold firm against them which counts, but your determination to stand up straight again once the storm has passed.
So, are there tips and hints which can help you do this? Sure.
One idea I really like is designed to help you bounce back from the self-blame that frequently accompanies tough times.
1. Start (yes, really) by becoming your own worst personal critic, making a list on paper of all the ways in which you hate yourself. Don’t hold back. Let’s imagine you’ve been unceremoniously dumped by a friend, so let rip with the self-blame: I was selfish; I was too wrapped up in my own life; I wasn’t there for him when he really needed it.
2. Now challenge each of these items of self-blame. Are you truly selfish, over-wrapped up in your own life, and undependable? While none of us is blameless in such respects, I’m sure you’re a better person than you’ve made out, so make a second list, again on paper, which in this case might read: Why I’m unselfish; How I’m not over-immersed in my own life; Why I’m dependable.
3. Lastly, picking one of these challenges to your own self-blame each day, write a mini-essay – a couple of paragraphs say – arguing your case. Provide the evidence that proves you’re not selfish, then continue day by day until you’ve rebutted each of the false accusations you’ve made about yourself.
Don’t just try to think your answers in your head. It’s crucial to physically write down this stuff. It’s also vital to spread the task over a few days.
It will (and should) feel like hard work, but it’s a strategy that works, and it’s one which I call on myself from time to time.
Perhaps it will work for you too, maybe it won’t. The most important point, though, is to equip yourself with the tools to help you bounce back, because one thing is always true.
There will be bad days.