The comfort of being comfortable with who you are

Have you ever wished that someone you knew could have changed a bit?

Perhaps you viewed a friend as selfish, loud or thoughtless?

If only you could have changed them.


Or maybe you had a boss who was bombastic, over-critical or blind to your efforts?

If only they’d have behaved differently.

Often, however, people are who they are.

Much as we may wish they weren’t, they’re probably pretty set in their ways and, as is said, leopards rarely change their spots.

What’s funny, however, is that although we may recognise how unlikely it is that others will suddenly adopt radically new ways of being, we may tend to wish we ourselves could be different.

I’m sure you and I do have the power to change our ways in some areas, and in fact self-belief in this respect seems to play a big part in giving us the confidence that we can overcome periods of low mood.

But I’m sure there’s also much to be said for accepting that to some extent we are who we are, and there’s probably value in being comfortable with that.

For instance I think I’m a little overweight, with a build that might be charitably described as not very athletic.

It’s true that I can continue my current efforts to shed a few pounds, but because I’m notoriously unsporty, my physique is likely to remain much as it is.

Emotionally I tend to be affected greatly by the moods of those around me. My own moods wax and wane.

How much can I change this?

More importantly, how much should I want to change this?

Underneath it all, some of this makes me the man I am – so perhaps this is something to embrace rather than to wish it was somehow otherwise?

Maybe we can both be a bit more comfortable with who we are.

10 thoughts on “The comfort of being comfortable with who you are

  1. I am finally getting comfortable with myself . I love learning new things, ideas etc so I find that I gradually change the more I know! I know I can’t change others but I do think I can encourage the changes they are trying to make!
    Thanks for your messages – they are always interesting and helpful!

  2. I tell myself that I am the weight I am because of my food intake. I do exercise but am not willing to eat less as my diet suits me and is healthy so how can I possibly expect to be a different weight! You made me look back at ghastly bosses Jon and view them differently. They were what they were and would never change. Good point!!

  3. Jon, well said. One of the advantages I have found with maturing ( nice word for getting old ) is that i take time to learn more about me and be kind with myself and let go. The side effect of that is i let loose of trying to change others.

    My yoga instructor always says we are perfectly imperfect.

  4. In response to a re-hab counselor’s ? about why a group of addicts was in counseling the replies were “to learn discipline…to get off drugs/ change myself..” The counselor said no you’re hear to learn self-acceptance, your self-loathing causes you to be anti-social & self medicate in an effort to rid yourself of your personal pain. Being comfortable with oneself with all your flaws & humaness is akin to self-acceptance & realizing that your OK just as you are. When we end our striving to change into some ideal that we or others have decided for us we become truly free.

    1. true, but it seems we have a need to be recognised for our efforts and merits. I’m trying to not care if others don’t spot them!

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