The perfect conversational recipe. Two listeners, two disclosers.

Like me, I expect you know people whose idea of a conversation seems to be that you mainly listen while they mainly talk, and the only time they encourage you to say something is if you’re asking them a question – allowing them to talk even more.

Although I was brought up to be a listener rather than a ‘teller’, as I get older I’m realising that there’s often a sweet spot between these two positions.


It’s not always selfish to talk about yourself, particularly in moderation.

A little self-disclosure can help people understand you better, but it’s when both of you do so, when the confidences are reciprocated, that a conversation takes on a life of its own, allowing the two of you to walk away having had a good experience, sometimes even a great experience.

It’s not always easy to do this, particularly if your disclosure might relate, say, to the fact that you’re not always a happy bunny.

Perhaps it makes sense to tread carefully, and to think before you disclose; only doing so if you believe it won’t make the other person uncomfortable.

An uncomfortable conversational partner rarely makes for a good exchange, but there’s little that beats the pleasure of a genuine two-way flow of honesty.

2 thoughts on “The perfect conversational recipe. Two listeners, two disclosers.

  1. I tend to interrupt in a conversation. I am aware I do it, and I desperately want to stop. Not sure how. It is especially difficult during phone conversations. It just happens and really upsets me especially when I am making a conscientious effort no to. It is something important to me to control. I feel the impact it has at time and I don’t like it.

    1. I do too. Same as you, don’t like it when I do. I get carried away by enthusiasm. Am training myself to not jump in…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *