How forgiving yourself can help everyone around you

I have a confession to make. I’m not generally an angry person, and I don’t tend to hold grudges, but I do sometimes momentarily snap at people.

It’s usually in response to one of three main triggers: fear of abandonment, fear of being late, or fear of someone being angry with me if I don’t meet expectations. Maybe those are all the same fear, actually.

It does seem to depend a bit on what day of my monthly hormonal cycle I’m at, how much sleep I’ve had, and how much background stress is around me.

But I’m not proud of it.

The other day I snapped at Jon, when he was feeling low, and the next morning my WellBee score plummeted from its relatively stable 70-80 range down to 19. I felt guilty, angry at myself, afraid, and miserable.

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The thing is, I’m sure we’ve all had moments like this. We’re only human, after all. And as worthwhile as it is to keep trying hard to learn and improve and open our hearts more, sometimes we’re going to crash and burn. I think this might even *need* to happen sometimes, to make space for a new understanding or opportunity to emerge.

A couple of days after the snap, I realized there wasn’t much point in beating myself up – that would only make things worse for everyone. I started forgiving, softening, being gentle with myself, and that helped me be softer and more gentle with people around me too. Being kind to ourselves has a ripple effect, and ends up helping everyone. Maybe even the world!

So here’s my little nudge for you: if you find yourself locked in a self-critical pattern today, maybe just try to find a tiny bit of soft forgiveness to wrap around your tender heart. It might not help immediately, but cultivating that feeling of gentleness will eventually help us grow beautiful blooms of hope and love, for ourselves and for others.

I know I feel a warm loving heart when I think of you reading this – a moment of connection in both of our days. Thank you for listening, and please share your experience if you feel so inspired.

Alexandra

10 thoughts on “How forgiving yourself can help everyone around you

  1. Hi, I really connected with your comments today, I know I am misunderstood for the way I sometimes react sometimes, and the three reasons you gave are true for me too. Thank you for sharing your insight into how better to deal with these situations. If I can improve me then others close will do too x

  2. Thankyou. You touched my heart today and realised that the person I most need to be more gentle with is myself. I hope your day and Jon’s will be good ones xx

  3. Oh, I read about the times that you snap at people and – I could have written them myself! This really struck a chord. OK: human, not perfect, but just perfect the way I am.

    Thank you for this. Best wishes to Jon (I’ve been a bit quiet recently: lots of stuff going on, but still rooting for you guys)

  4. Really enjoyed reading your mood nudge this morning and again now. In essence it is the need for self acceptance… I struggle with this a lot and it has been the subject of a few conversations recently. I can feel that I am growing in this area and your blog made it more visible for me. Thank you.

  5. This came at just the right time, as I was finding it hard to forgive myself about a mistake I made. The lady I was working for was wonderful and immediately forgave me, and swallowed the cost of my mistake, which was really Lind of her, but I still feel bad. Will try hard to live up to her example and forgive myself.

  6. I love the topic of forgiveness, and discussions on it could extend for the rest of the day. In addition to learning how to forgive others (and myself) this past year, I also like to tell myself, “I will do better next time.” It is uplifting to know that as long as I am alive, I can continue to improve the shortcomings in my own character. Thank you for writing on this topic!

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