Does a friendship need fixing?

I don’t quite know why, but it seems to be one of life’s incontrovertible laws that not all friendships are created equal.

Indeed, why do we become friends in the first place with some people but not others?

Clearly you’re not going to become best buddies with absolutely everyone you run into during the course of a day (fortunately – just think of the outrageous amounts you’d have to pay out for birthday cards) but, like me, you may have wondered about the process which can turn some acquaintances into friends, but not others.


And again, of course, there are friends – and there are best friends. Part of what makes someone a best friend seems to be that you really ‘get’ one another. It feels as though you understand them, and that in return they understand you.

Best friendship seems to some extent being unconditional. You’ll be there for each other through fair weather and foul. And someone who falls into this category is to be cherished and valued. You may not totally need each other right now, but there may well come a time when you will.

I think that someone who truly gets you is the equivalent of owning a priceless asset. If you’d inherited an oil painting worth millions, would you leave it out in the rain? Would you ignore it? Would you allow it to fall into disrepair?

The same goes for special friendships.

So if you’ve let things slide recently, perhaps today’s the day to do a little picture restoration?

6 thoughts on “Does a friendship need fixing?

  1. Thanks for this nudge, it comes at a great time for me. Am struggling to determine whether/how to work on a couple of friendships in a group dynamic that is no longer working for me. Having a hard time balancing the fact that I have been feeling very easily wounded these days and not sure whether I’m over-reacting/over-emoting or if there are issues I need to bring up.

  2. Hmmmm timely for me too. I have a constant battle of overcoming my fear of being intrusive or over bearing in relationships. Because of this fear I tend not to reach out, even though I often really want to. I know my approach is very adaptive, and no longer useful to me as an adult, but gee it is difficult. This particular friendship that needs repairing is so very dear to me… so it is worth it. Thanks for the little push.

  3. John, thank you. I missed your intelligent reflections after you left moodscope. I’m glad you’re back in my inbox. Thank you for being you 🙂

  4. This, Jon. What I find sad is that a lot of the time, even though phone lines work both ways so friends CAN call me too, they don’t and it’s up to me to do the chasing! But then a couple of years ago a different friend said she didn’t like the fact that I never got in touch with her to sort out a visit or to meet up. I explained that as she works full time and has lots of other friends she meets up with, I didn’t want to add to her busy days. So I started trying to text or email first, but it would be two or three days before I heard from her! I was very sad at this and now if she contacts me first, after a short interlude, I feel really guilty that I haven’t contacted her. It’s difficult to know, and we can’t possibly know what goes on in the minds of others nor they about us, so I suppose we just have to communicate more!

  5. Thanks again Jon for the nudge. Your analogy really hits home regarding the painting and an important friendship. You are absolutely right that we really need to make sure our friendships are well maintained. Often we get wrapped up in our own lives and forget the people that help get us to where we currently are.
    Remember your supports, always!

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