How to fall in love today

Have you ever looked into the eyes of a loved one and felt completely safe, deeply connected, and totally in love? There’s a warm rush of excitement, and a timelessness to the moment. You could stay right there forever, wrapped up in adoration.

And then, more often than not, it flitters away, and you go back to your daily life.

But what if you could recreate that feeling whenever you wanted it? Wouldn’t that make life amazing? Imagine going through your day with colleagues and family members feeling uplifted by the smiles of love lighting up your face.

The first time I heard this idea, I thought it was crazy. I was taking a training course to be a counselor, and on the first day the teacher told us that we were going to walk through the room of about 150 students, stop in front of a random person, and spend a minute looking into their eyes and falling in love with them. Then we would go on to another person and fall in love with them, and so on. We did this about ten times, and by the end of it the room that had initially seemed scary with so many strange faces was filled with such love and connection that it seemed to glow.

My whole perspective changed, and I began to see these new people as humans like me, beautiful and struggling and loving and hurt and wonderful. We all related to each other with much more compassion and understanding after that.

So how did I do that, actually go around and fall in love with people at the drop of a hat? I don’t remember the teacher’s instructions now, but I do know how I’ve learned to do it.

Here are three things you can do to fall in love today, or right now.

1. Whenever you catch someone’s eye for more than a second, try to look a bit deeper. See if you can imagine that person as she was when she was a child, and feel the tenderness of her vulnerability. Look for the pure, innocent love of a young boy shining out of his heart underneath that tough exterior. Then notice if your heart softens just a bit.

2. This second tip is from Amma, the “hugging saint.” Jon and I took our girls to see her last week. She has comforted an astounding 34 million people with individual healing hugs. Amma said in her talk that though you may have a hundred different buckets of water, each one reflects the same sunshine.

If you can tap into this realization that there is the same light and love in everyone else’s heart as there is in yours, you won’t feel so separate from them, and you might start to love the part of them that is the same as you.

3. We are often quick to judge people, especially people we don’t know well. But what do we know about them, really? If you notice yourself falling into judgment, as we all do, think about this quote attributed to Plato: “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind always.

What if the woman on the train across from you just lost her son, or the cashier who rang up your order was just diagnosed with cancer, or the DJ from last night’s dance struggles with chronic pain? You might find your heart feeling more compassionate as you think about them now. Maybe you feel a sense of wanting to take care of them and send them love.

So those are my three tips for falling in love today. Do you have others? If you try one of them out today, let me know how it works for you!

11 thoughts on “How to fall in love today

  1. Last week I fell in love with a colleague at work, whom I see about once a week. I first met her twenty-five years ago, and she posted an old picture of herself when young. I was confirmed in my memory of her as being very pretty. I’ve also (today) fallen in love with our cleaning lady. I looked into her eyes twice, and melted! Now I realise I must make more eye contact with my wife and try to remember her when I first met her as a young and vulnerable girl, twenty-five years ago. The return of ‘tenderness’ – I guess that’s what I’m looking for, not passion so much. Thanks again, Jon.

    1. Sounds like you’ve been busy in the love department Andrew. Today’s post is actually the work of Alex, who knows more about love than I ever will! She’ll be delighted to know about your connections, I’m sure. Lovely stories!

  2. My husband always says that you should never judge someone without having walked a mile in their moccasins. We cannot experience another’s most formative years; we cannot enter into their most conflicted relationships; we cannot see through their eyes.
    I used to be very scathing of people who allowed themselves to become morbidly overweight; then my therapist gently pointed out to me that I had no idea of what caused them to eat to excess and that those people deserved my compassion, not my judgement.
    I loved your Plato quote. When you love someone you accept them; you don’t judge them. Let’s bring on the love.

    1. Exactly, Mary, very well said! Love leads to acceptance, both of ourselves and others, and acceptance leads to a more peaceful and compassionate world. Let’s all fall in love!

  3. its a good idea but hard to implement with some people. there are certain people in my work who just will not make any effort at all with you, no matter how many times i say hello in the mornings or acknowledge them , you get nothing more than a grunt back. they would never think of sticking up a conversation.
    i try always to be the better person and continue to be polite to them even when its not reciprocated. sometimes though you just want to ignore them, but then i usually feel bad i have.

    1. Yes, great point! The other person may well not reciprocate the emotion, but feeling love and compassion in your heart even for that person who is having a grumpy day (or year) can help both you and them have a bit of a better day. And chances are, they will feel your warmth even if they don’t acknowledge it. Thank you so much for bringing this up! 🙂

  4. Alex, I shared your post with some friends of mine and decided to spread these words with my whole community as they are just beautiful!

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