Sometimes the best way to help is just to dive in.

A friend and I compared notes about what generally happens if those around you realise you’re having a hard time.

Often they truly want to help, but nine times out of ten this gets translated into them asking what they can do for you, one of the most frustrating offers in the world.

Yes, you want help (sometimes desperately) but no – you’ve nowhere near enough strength to organise your thoughts sufficiently to brief them.

As my friend said, ‘Don’t ask me how you can help, just tell me what you’re going to do, then do it’.


When times are tough, it can feel as though you’re using every ounce of your meagre resources simply to keep the plates spinning.

So when a well-meaning friend asks how they can help, you’ve literally no capacity to work out a strategy.

Better by far if they assume responsibility for a couple of plates.

‘I’ll look after these two’ – these are the type of words you may long to hear.

But what if you agree with this principle, but don’t know how to suggest it to others?

Two ideas spring to mind.

You could always lead by example, helping others as you’d like to be helped yourself.

But if the need’s more urgent, why not let me do the seed-sowing?

Just show this mood nudge to a friend.

You may well discover that they’re only too pleased to know that the best way to help you is to simply roll up their sleeves and make a start on something, anything.

Don’t ask, just do.

One thought on “Sometimes the best way to help is just to dive in.

  1. I so agree with this one. Often when I need help the most, I just have no idea what the answer to that question is, especially as I ahve no idea what the person might be willing to do.
    My solution to finding out how I can help someone is to spot something that I think might need doing, that I can do, and ask them, ‘Would you like me to … (whatever)?’ That still gives them the chance to say no thanks, but then they might suggest something along similar lines but that they would prefer me to do.

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