Six themes for a very important letter to a very important person

There have certainly been times in my life when I’ve felt stuck. Trapped, even.

Now and then it has felt that no matter what I did, I couldn’t change things, which was both frustrating and demoralising.

However, it invariably helps to remind myself that even when I believe I can’t change situations, I do always have a real choice about how I think about them.

The American author and radio host Earl Nightingale summed up this concept nicely: “Control your thoughts. Decide about that which you will think and concentrate upon. You are you are in charge of your life to the degree to which you take charge of your thoughts.”

Having a sense of control and autonomy over your own life is one of six fundamental factors driving your psychological well-being, represented by Independence, the first “I” in our SPIRIT model.

So allow me, if you will, to propose a brief exercise that may help when you’re next feeling a lack of this.

Set aside 15 minutes, and not a second more, to write yourself a letter about a situation you’re unhappy about.

The twist is that you’ll get to choose one of six ways to “frame” this note. And you have complete freedom to select which you use.

When you write, do so in the second person, talking to yourself as *you*, imagining you’re writing a letter to a very dear friend.

For example, “I totally understand the way *you’re* feeling…”

Remember, it’s your choice which angle you’ll take. Here they are, then:

1. FORGIVENESS e.g. “You feel guilty about this thing, but I want you to know that I completely forgive you.”

2. CURIOSITY e.g. “I’m genuinely interested in better understanding why you’re thinking this way.”

3. COMPASSION e.g. “I just want you to know how very sorry I am that you’re feeling the way you do.”

4. SOLIDARITY e.g. “I totally stand with you on this. The way you acted/thought was and is entirely justified.”

5. ACCEPTANCE e.g. “Let’s agree to accept what’s happened (or is happening) and aim to move on.”

6. AMUSEMENT e.g. “Just for a minute, why don’t we look at the funny side of what’s happened, even if it is bittersweet?”

When you write, aim to do so in a continuous flow, paying no attention to grammar or spelling. Simply pour your heart into a 15 minute letter to yourself, but with unceasing reference to the theme you chose.

Although a quarter of an hour really isn’t a long time, you should find this to be a powerful mood nudger.

Once you’ve experimented with deliberately choosing the theme of your letter, a twist on the technique (for another occasion, perhaps) is to throw a dice to randomly select one of the six. This, too, can work.

Through it all, however, the real value is in remembering that you truly do have a choice about how you think.

In the words of Pink Floyd, we don’t need no thought control.

And nobody can take this away from us, thank goodness.

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